Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it glows. i had to have it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
