I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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