So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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