Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
