This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
love makes seman taste better
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
