My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
