that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
