I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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