chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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