there's paper in my vomit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
