I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
