all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
