The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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