Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
