I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
