Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
