It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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