haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
