she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
