she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
