did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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