I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
40s are totally the cure
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
