Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Duck Duck Cougar?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
