No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
