K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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