And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
