oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
