Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
