Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
