Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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