So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
