woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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