I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
