i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
