I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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