she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you had me at cake vodka
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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