well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
