i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
