operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
