1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
