so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
