dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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