we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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