i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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