we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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