Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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