I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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