Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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