reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
