Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
