My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
