i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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