they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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