You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
