I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
