Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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